i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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