Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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