omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My liver just had a heart attack.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
