She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
