This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
