Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
17 year olds will be the death of me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
