My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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