i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
