OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
