She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
