ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
