I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
