Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
