happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
