Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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