My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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