i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize