I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
