in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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