Cold hands, warm shart.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
