Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
