You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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