Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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