He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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