he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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