I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
