i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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