so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
