If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
