I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize