There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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