she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Randomize
