I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
