im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
