Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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