they need to just BURY HIM!
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
