Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
This is not my ceiling
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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