if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
