i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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