I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
