The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
