I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
