my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
