Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My ass is underappreciated
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
