ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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