Moan for me like Helen Keller
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
