can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
