i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
