Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
