i was born a porn star she said
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
