Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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