What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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