i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
