she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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