There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I want you more than these girls want KFC
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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