So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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