My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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