yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
mondays should just be called national damage control day
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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