I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
