Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
