Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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