If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
