I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
