My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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