I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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