As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize