Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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