For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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