we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
