I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
