I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He felt like a one man threesome
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
