Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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