I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
