Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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