I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
