I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
there was a trapeze. enough said
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
