well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
