my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize