Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
