I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
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He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
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You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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