i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
